Saturday, November 12, 2011

a wish.

I had meant to share this little story back in the summer, and now here it is November already EEK!... I wanted to share it now because it is about 'a wish' and now that Christmas is approaching it fits well:)  
I can't imagine my kids not wishing for "stuff" daily. Especially around this season, 'Wishing' is in full force! The toy catalogs are all laid out on the floors, the long Target shopping trips, the broken toys and the old video games. The Teens are wishing for that cute boy or girls cell number, or for that new car they have had their eye on, maybe they are wishing people just understood them, wishing they didn't hurt or feel so alone in this big world. Adults even wish, maybe for a better job, wish the house was paid off, well, we wish everything was paid off!, we wish we won the lottery. Maybe you wish that painful obstacles would disappear, You wish accidents had never happened, you wish mistakes were never made, you wish your child never hurt or felt pain you couldn't fix, and etc...I only wish it were that easy!
My family and I were out in the yard having a little picnic and enjoying a beautiful summer day, the dandelions were in full-force in our yard, and quite a few had started to get to the point where my boys loved to blow on them and all the tiny seeds would go all over the yard, my oldest son Ethan, had wished for more money then he could ever imagine, so he could buy everything he ever wanted, Kaden wished that 'he could just play video games all day long or that pizza and bread-sticks were the only food ever!'.. The boys at one point must have taught Jayci how to do this, and I hadn't known that until just then, when we were outside, and Jayci had shouted with much excitement  'MOM!!, a Wish!, a Wish!, a Wish!.. Hurry Mommy, can you go get it for me??!!' Without even thinking I ran to her wish, and plucked it out of the ground and careful not to lose any of its power..(the seeds) I ran it back and placed it in her hand. All of the sudden, I felt guilty, I felt sad, I thought, 'oh no, what did I just do,' I was scared for her. I was afraid she might wish for something I couldn't make happen, I was fearful her little heart wasn't gonna understand why her wish didn't work, I got teary eyed and I thought the moment had finally come when I was gonna have to tell her 'honey, your wish is to big' .. or 'that your wish may never come true.' I didn't want her to know this disability she was diagnosed with, I want her to just be a little girl, and not worry about what tomorrows obstacles may bring, I thought, she is just to young, I can still protect her even if it's just a little longer and to keep her safe from what she may not understand yet. Yes, as I'm sure you guessed, I just knew her wish was gonna be 'I wish to walk, I wish to run, skip, or more!  Mommy, please make it come true!!' I was thinking, as my tears were coming down, 'if I had a wish baby girl, I would give it to you,' If life only worked like this, and I only had even just one wish, it would all be yours Jayci. But, as we know, all too well, life doesn't work like that. Life is not a Disney movie, Wishing on a star has never worked, and Mommy's are not Fairy-Godmothers. I was wiping my tears and was just watching her look at her wish, and I could see her determined little face pondering and searching so hard for 'her perfect wish.' She was ready and the moment was here, she raised that little flower to her mouth and with her eyes closed, she lifted her little face to the sky and blew as hard as she could, and instantly the wind was taking that little wish, just like it had always done with my boys. Just after, she paused for just a second, lowered the flower to her lap and then her eyes met mine, so beautiful still,  I was so un-prepared, so frantic, trying to search for my words. I swallowed the lump in my throat and finally finding the courage, I softly said, 'what did you wish for honey?' Well, she gave me her biggest smile and with no hesitation at all said 'Mommy, I just wished for rainbows, for MORE beautiful rainbows.'... In that moment my heart melted and my Love for her grew even more, the fear went away quickly, I grabbed her, squeezed, kissed and held her, I thanked my God for her, my special gift, for my little girl, for this blessing. I then, whispered in her ear 'what a beautiful wish honey!'
God is so good to us, We saw SO many rainbows that week, and every single time we did I was reminded that life is not always as hard, as I may think it is, or think it is going to be, I need to just let her have her 'wishes' like any little girl, with our without a disability. And yes, I know the day may come when I have to tell Jayci some things, and it is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever do, But, Jayci is stronger then I will ever be. She isn't fearful like I get sometimes. She wished on her little flower... and it did come true, over and over again. As you can well read, I do have super, positive days, where I am hopeful and can conquer the world with my family, and then there are other days, where I am fearful of even a wish.
Please, remember that our lives do not ONLY consist of hardships, trials, the lack of money, fear and pain. Remind yourselves and your children to dream big, to wish big, for you to want what is truly best in your life and for your children, but sometimes, a simple wish for a beautiful rainbow will do better, to remind you to just look around at the wonderful life you do have, the blessings that are in, and all around, ALL of our lives.